An African Gay Experience

Why do gay gys living outside their home country still live in bondage? Sex and sexuality? Is the bible really homophobic?

2012-02-03T18:31:00.000-06:00

Why do gay gys living outside their home country still live in bondage? Sex and sexuality? Is the bible really homophobic?

What I really want.

2011-12-26T20:35:00.002-06:00

I am gay and Nigerian. I am not a retard, stupid or fool. I have no mental defect or brainwashed by "western world". I did not wake up one day and decided to be gay and be hated by the world. I am who I am. I am a son, brother, cousin, uncle, nephew, friend, neighbor, coworker... Homosexuality is never by choice or evil spirit. I have never asked for permission to get married as a gay Nigerian all I asked was to put laws that would protect me from discrimination, violence, hatred and murder. I want to know that if I am attacked and I report to the police I am not at risk. I careless about marriage for now. I know how hard it is for people to misunderstand all things sexuality. They think that my sexual orientation makes me a devil advocate. I am stigmatized for what I had no power over. The Christians condemn me to their hell the Muslims condemn me to death I have come to the realization that my life is all about me, no matter how judged I am by others none of them put food on my table. When I die I die alone. I rather live for the truth even if it means 14 yrs in jail than to spend my whole life living a lie because of a biased society filled with ignorance. I am gay does not mean I hate the opposite sex or cannot have children. I am gay does not mean the ec0nomy of the country would be terrible or the lives of our citizen would depreciate. I am gay does not affect the quality of infrastructure in the country. Call me whatever you want but I am gay and it is who I am.

An African Gay Experience: Sexuality and Spirituality Nigerian Gay Experience

2011-08-28T17:54:00.000-05:00

An African Gay Experience: Sexuality and Spirituality Nigerian Gay Experience

Sexuality and Spirituality Nigerian Gay Experience

2011-08-28T17:44:00.003-05:00

African's are living in a religious environment. They claim homosexuality is not an African culture. They blame the Western world for it influence and say we should hold on to our African values. Yet they use Christianity and Islam to judge homosexuals and i ask are those religions African culture?

Sexuality and Spirituality.

2011-07-31T10:30:00.000-05:00

http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=100 The reconciliation between sexuality and Spirituality is one that is usually ignored among the lGBT community. The result for many is to end up in either 2 extremes. The first is that we become victims of Society's religious belief and then castigate ourselvs for who we are. The second is we become villan's to the word Spirituality and denounce it's very exsistence. A few are able to come midway and truly understand that there is a need for an equal balance between sexuality and spiritiuality. These extremes also is more commom in some regions. The frist extreme is popular among bible. religious areas where there is a large homphobia cryout and folks hide their sexuality due to avoiding castigation and punishment. The second is found in liberal areas where people do not care about anything and belive that they fully own their lives. The truth is we all need to balance the Spiritual and Sexual beign to have a complete and healthy beign. We are made up of various beings which are: Physical, Social, Spiritual, Spiritual, Emotional, Intellect and Sexual beign. We always want to balance all these in our lives so as to have stability and progress. One is not more important than the other and one lacking is not a complete person.

Amazing grace Gay

2011-07-21T07:06:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQg3XqoyV3Q&feature=player_embedded

This shows that we are all special. Love also involves spiritual connection. We should stirve ti reconcile our spiritual self to have a complete being.

Facebook Pickup

2011-02-26T19:25:00.001-06:00

Why is it not legal to hit some mofos with the most horrible degrading pick up lines. Sometimes folks on FB say the most stupid thing in the name of trying to hook up. Guys if you see someone on FB that you find attractive, also have an educative positive conversation to sell yourself. Talks about sex, sexual role or relationship status are a no no. Sending a random message saying you like the person or stuff like that is totally wrong. Before i forget distance should be considered if the person lives far from you and meeting is next to nil then don't be all i love you talk. Seeking true friendship is much more productive than sex or physical attraction. Also i do not want to know your dick size or your ass safe it for someone else.

A poem about nothing

2011-02-17T07:38:00.002-06:00

A poem about nothing

I want nothing else than to be with you,
And nothing else but you will ever do.
Nothing they say will make this change,
‘Cause there's nothing if we ever turn that page.
My friends think our love is nothing,
But nothing's what I hear when they're talking.
I tell them, nothing's ever gonna come between you and I,
‘Cause nothing's really ever gonna reach that high.
They say I always talk about you, but that’s only nothing,
‘Cause nothing stops every second's thought from being about
you,
And nothing even feels remotely better than you do.
I'm smiling even when nothings funny,
But when they ask, I simply say there's nothing.
The money means nothing,
It’s simply your love or nothing,
‘Cause nothing else makes any sense,
And nothing will ever make these words past tense.
See, I've got words, but I realize they're nothing,
When I'm trying to find the right ones but nothing even comes
close.
I've got nothing without you,
But with you, nothing will ever do.

I wish Upon a star

2010-12-19T11:20:00.002-06:00

I wish upon a star.
That a day shall come when i walk hand in hand
Down the aisle covered in red rose petals.
In an open summer field of bright sun.
Looking forward to kneeling at the altar.
O how i envision the smiles and the joy all around me.
The presence of friends and family
Well wishers and co-workers
The day i shall look into the eyes of that who i call soul mate
The day when two becomes one
The day two families unite with a lifelong bond.
I know it's just a wish for now.
The reality is i work down the dirty road
Covered in verbal and physical abuse
In a grey rainy field
Being pushed further and further away from the altar
We both run from those who hate our love.
Our families yes are united to our division
But if anything i hold on to this love which we share
This love that lights the dark room we are locked in
This love that feeds me in this period of starvation.
I push forward each day with this love on my mind
The truth is that which i wish for,
Is done each time i lay in your arms and look in your eyes
Is done when i hear you speak
Your love is the summer in this rain.
The star upon which i wished is you.

I dedicate this piece to all those going through issues with family.

The African Coming Out Effect

2010-12-07T12:28:00.000-06:00

There has been a lot of topics about sexuality and family. I know the strength and power family plays in the African culture, it is one that brings us to a cross road when it comes to our sexuality. The main concern about being open is not about us but how would our family be treated. This is common irrespective of where in the world they are, they still carry the same values. They are more concerned about what would people say about then than how you would be accepted within the family. There are things to consider when these issues come up:
1. It is important to know that as it took you time to accept who you are, so would it take time for them to accept the fact about who you are.
2. Family would eventually come around and accept you but rarely would they accept you fully. Some would let you know that they love you but do not fully accept your way of life.
3. There would be the spiritual phase, this would happen immediately when they would seek spiritual help to "cleanse" you. This stage depends strongly on your age and your family.
4. This is particular to young folks they might see it as a "phase" that you might fade out from. This is where i try and talk to people, because it is very sensitive it causes a lot of confusion in one minds and if care is not taking might lead to one being homophobic while being homosexual.
5. The adults in this period would have the "opposite sex" pressure. Now what i mean is when the family believes that if she/he gets married and has sex with the opposite sex the situation would stop. In some cases they bring about forced marriage.
6. They might tell you to leave the house and do not return and thinking you would be repentive and come and apologize saying you are now straight.
(to be continued)

PS: No matter what you go through push hard and be determined to be successful in what you do.

I am not a label

2010-11-25T11:22:00.000-06:00

I am not a label

I am not a classification

I have been classified all my life

My tribe

My nationality

My accent

My race

Classified classified classified

I have lost my personality to these classifications

I am now classified based on my sexuality

I wonder would I ever be known for my personality

I am meant to fit a certain stereotype

Walk this way

Sit this way

Talk this way

Be this way be that way

I scream let me out of this classification I ask

I came to my own and then I am further classified

Top!!!

Bottom!!!

Versatile!!!

Effeminate!!!

Masculine!!!

I am not any of the above

They say you are act like a woman

I say I have a dick so I am a man

They say I am unnatural

I say I am a human with no abnormal body parts

I am me not a label

WHO ARE YOU?????

I am MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!

I hope we all look beyond classification and labels. Being who we are is enough classification, do not cause further damage.

Much Love Red Winers

I am

2010-11-16T13:22:00.000-06:00

I so disagree with you. My sexual orientation is not a practice or a choice. I am doing nothing wrong. I have lost so much because i refuse to be what society says i should be. I am happy i am where i am right now. I am gay proud and out. I am very active in the gay community where i live. Now are you judging based on religion or morality? If homosexual is wrong then is it the religious organizations along the Lagos Ibadan expressway that are more concerned with quantity of members instead of making the road more passable and improve quality. Is it the so called Don and Doyen in the industries that steal money and make donations while the religious organizations make them leaders and all. I witnessed how the church made my Dad a leader and elder and all that based on money, because he was far from a "Christian". I ask again on what grounds do you make your statement. If it is based on your religion then bro speak for yourself. There are over a million religion in this world. We all have different belief system so please speak for yourselves.

There are so many wrong going on in our society that Homosexual is the least. If my child is gay then we live with it. I have told my family that a Sister (daughter)in-law is so out of the question. Live your life for yourself bro because nobody would do it for you. I have run the race i am fighting the good fight. all i can tell you is that it gets better. I have overcome the "i hate myself" stage. The real choice is whether you compromise your happiness for pleasing society. When i told my dad's elder sister all she said was as long as i do what i want to do and i am happy. Then fuck what people say. If you marry would society come to your house to help out. Would society be the one to pay the bills. Would society give happiness.

I am a gay Nigerian and got no shame in my life. I am independent pay my bills and strong willed. I am a man, a brother, a son , a grand son, a friend, a co worker. My sexuality does not change me. I am me a man of life and prosperity. A man not conformed by the ideology of others but by finding the truth in his search for joy. Have a good one.

I am an ordained pastor for nearly 10 years. The word of God is so strong and it shall do that it was sent to do. I want you to know that God loves you for who you are. He knew you right from your mother's womb. He knows the end for the beginning. It is a sad thing that Nigeria is a society based on religious folks and not spiritual folks. God loves you for who you are. The sin is when you lie everyday for who you are. The sin is going to church pretending to be who you are not in worship. The bible says John 4:24 (New International Version)
24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” If you act heterosexual and marry but deep inside you still have the true you then it's a sin. I watched my family hurt by cheating and it is not a good thing. I wish i could talk to you one on one and not via message. It get's better bro belief me. I decided to be the real me from Nigeria before i came here. I had to stop going to church so that i can discover who i am. Brother life is beautiful life is awesome as a gay person. You should not live by your sexuality but by your personality. You are a brother, a friend, a cousin, a son, a grand child, a classmate a co-worker and an Image if God.

THE BALLARD GOODBYE

2010-11-10T16:12:00.003-06:00

THE BALLARD GOODBYE

I have held on too long to you

I have cried too many tears for you

I have hurt too much for you

I realize the end is now

It Hurts to say good bye

I remember the first time I saw you

Your smile was melting

Your eyes were mesmerizing

Your voice weakened my knees.

Then the journey started

We had dreams

We had passion

We had love

Then came the bumps along the journey

I stood by you

I bore the hurt

I cried the tears

I held on

Then the smooth road came

You moved on

You changed suddenly

I have come to the awakening that this is just an illusion relationship

I have come to the realization that real love means to let go

I have come to the truth that it ended as soon as it began

My love

My Boo

My man

I say goodbye to you today

I cry tears of a heartbreak

I sleep a sleep of loneliness

This is just for a while

I shall rise

The lessons you taught me stays with me

The love you showed me I share to all

The positive vibe you gave me I carry on

The negative vibe you gave me I leave it behind

I sing a Ballard of goodbye

Good bye My love

The Ballard Goodbye

2010-11-10T11:48:00.003-06:00

ore about it later. I have realized that illusion sucks and is deceptive. Now I am back stronger and wiser. I have so much to share.

2010-11-10T11:48:00.001-06:00

So I have been gone a very long time a lot has happened. In September some people outed me to my parents and I was banned from the house. I would write m

2010-10-09T20:02:00.001-05:00

Ok I want to start a Question and Answer section. Anyone interested send me a question. email to coolafricangay@yahoo.com

Dear Amara

2010-09-27T17:11:00.002-05:00

I came across an article by a Nigerian journalist on Homosexual Nigerian men and women. I had no other option but to reply her. I am always in a laughing fit each time i read an article on such issues by Africans and the replies cracks me up. well read and enjoy the response.
Here are the links to the article
http://pmnewsnigeria.com/2010/08/06/men-and-homosexuality/
http://pmnewsnigeria.com/2010/08/10/women-and-lesbianism/
Hi Amara
I have never read your article but came across it today. I am not surprised by your "article". I would recommend you go back to writing school. It lacked an intro body and a conclusion. it was more like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle no head no tail. That being aside i would like to ask for those whose religion is not your Christian religion do you respect their opinion.
Now let's talk about the issue on same gender relationship. I am a proud gay Nigerian man open about my sexuality and confident in who i am. This did not come easy for me, to be honest. I have had to deal with people like you all my life. People who are quick to judge and ready to condemn without taking time out to understand, I can boldly tell you that i never choose to be gay okay. I have tried everything from prayer, fasting deliverance and all that and still no change. I have been to all the major churches in Nigeria seen all the pastors and prophets still no change. I hated myself and lived in denial, i hurt myself and attempted suicide and still i am gay. I am a Christian and love god so much that i preach His gospel. The gospel of God is not of hate but of love. It is a gospel filled with joy and peace and not fear and anger. The issue of Sodom and Gomorrah was never homosexuality i would like to see the word in your bible OK. I preach to people and they get saved. I lay hand on the sick and they get ill. I was surprised when u said that Christians do this to get "juju" for miracles. I doubt you are educated from that statement or you bribed your way through college.
A quick question on culture and what is African and UnAfrican. Is Christianity or Islam African? These same western people that you condemn fr Homosexual rise in the world are the ones that brought their religion and imposed it on us. They brought technology, clothes and all that you are wearing and using now as well. You want o dine eating their food drinking their drinks driving their car, yet you say we copy everything they have. I would be damned to see you got out all things westernized in your life and go back to the era before the westerners came to Nigeria. In doing so you would realize that same sex relationship is so African and part of our history and heritage.
I would not be surprised if you have a homosexual child, i wonder if you would kill him/her or love the child.
Homosexual are normal, it is only a perverted mind that would look at the sexual aspect which i guess you are since all you see is sex. There is the emotional attraction involved. I tried dating women but i was not being honest in my relationship to them. I was always looking for that extra something i could not get from them.
i have never used my sexuality for any monetary or given anyone monetary compensation OK I knew i was sexually attracted to the same sex right from when i was young. I was not scared abused or molested. My father was not absent in my life or anything like that OK I have brothers and sisters who are heterosexual. My happiness is more important to me than trying to live a make believe world. I am glad my family is not expecting any daughter-in-law from me, because ain't none coming to them but a son-in-law.
Talking about how women hit on you and you run away then i am sure you open up your legs when men hit on you and warm their beds right. in fact this is a waste of time replying your biased article. Go seek knowledge.

Eddie Long

2010-09-25T22:27:00.000-05:00

The crime is really not in the sexual activity, but in the condemnation of an act that he fully knows is not a chioce. There is no crime if he came out and said this is what he does, there would be more support. The crime is the preaching o...f hate and condemnation , using his power of authority to promote a propaganda that creates generations and generations of ignorant haters. This would be a test to the church community at large let's see how they would react. I can bet all this conservative churches would begin to talk trash.I for one i would gladly accept him as a pastor and would respect him for that. I pray he keeps his calling and agrees to his sexuality, i would be willing to become his church memeber then. Man is flesh Christians should realize that.

Biased

2010-09-22T09:55:00.002-05:00

Sexuality is really complicated...it is funny how it is ok for "str8" people to admire each other and be explicit about sex, but being gay is wrong. It is funny how parents would rather let their children be sexually active at a young age and guy can have multiple sex partners but being gay is wrong. It is shocking that teenage pregnancy is accepted but being gay is wrong. What you think?

We had dreams and ambition but now it seems like the winters past.

2010-09-17T01:33:00.000-05:00

I was talking to a friend and he complained about his partner for three years. I have heard this worries among alot of friends irregardless of sexuality when it comes to relationship even marriage. My female friend complained how her fiance was talking to his baby mama at her back and she kicked him out. There are instances when our hearts are troubled in trust for the one we want to be with. The fear of trust is one that we all have to bear and pray we have the strength to hold on to. I dedicate this poem to all the those who have the fear of trust in them.

I need to know

I need to know do you think about me the way I do about you?

I need to know why you tricked my heart into believing when it is just a facade?

I need to know if you know how much I wanna care and love you?

I need to know why I can't seem to ignore you and act like you don't exist?

I need to know why the sudden change towards me?

I need to know if there is someone else?

I need to know where I stand in your life?

I need to know if you would ever give me a chance to be your lover?

I need to know if you take me for a fool?

I need to know whether I would ever see you again?

I need to know if you yearn to see me the way I yearn to see you?

I need to know the truth and nothing but the truth?

Not knowing the truth hurts me so much.

I pray that you all find peace like i do when it comes to dating. We should all try to put the past in the past.

Love you all

Stallion

2010-09-17T01:24:00.000-05:00

The look in your eyes when we had our first love kiss was nothing but memorable.

I yearn for that once more. To lay with you till the break of dawn.

I want to feel the intense of our sex craving for each others body.

The touch of your fingers all over my body

The soft tender lips of yours on my mouth

To feel the Stallion rise from a flat soft mound to the strong hard rock

The veins on the Stallion visible and glistening in ebony glory

The feel of the Stallion in my mouth

I remember the moaning of pleasure as I worshiped the Stallion

The oral liquid bathing the Stallion in worship

Oh Master I could still feel you stroking my hair as I washed your Stallion

Oh what a beautiful moment of ecstasy

When the juice of the Stallion gushed out

It erupted like a volcano

The earth trembled like an earthquake

I felt happy to give pleasure to the Stallion.

Oh how I yearn for such again my Stallion.

Carrying Over Hurt

2010-09-09T12:18:00.002-05:00

It hurts when people bring the negativity of their past relationship into their present and hurting the other person. They have all this negative events that caused their past break up and bring it into the present is a way of pushing the new person away. I have noticed that “ I have been there and do not want to get hurt again” is a popular line when it comes to dating. I personally always let the past be the past I let go of it all and concentrate on the present. I would not bring any negative issue from previous relationships into the present. I believe in giving everyone a chance to get to know me. I wonder if it's why I am friends with all my ex. I just want to encourage all those who carry these ideas that time is a healer give the new person a chance to truly love you and be honest to you. I always feel hurt when I date people who have an issue letting go, but I have learned from standing by them that patience is a very strong virtue. I would wait patiently with you while you heal from your hurt. I would accept the mood swings and changes and allow you to pursue your dream. All is ask for is to be given the opportunity to love you and show it.

African Gay Experience

2010-08-30T11:30:00.000-05:00

Stages of a Gay Relationship

2010-08-30T11:13:00.002-05:00

"Heterosexual couples do not grapple with issues about roles, finances, ownerships, and social obligations in the same way as gay men do. The heterosexual couple that was concerned about acceptance by their mutual families was exceptional, whereas this was the rule for homosexual couples.... Heterosexual couples lived with some expectation that their relationships were to last "until death do us part," whereas gay couples wondered if their relationships could survive. Heterosexual couples have a wide variety of models for their partnerships -- Adam and Eve, Romeo and Juliet, Ozzie and Harriet, Kramer and Kramer. Gay men have only the same heterosexual models, including their own families, which they may try to emulate but find unsuitable.... Non-gay people rarely question the rightness or wrongness of their sexual orientation, but at some point gay persons do." (p. 3)

It should be noted that Coming Out is not a single step, like high school graduation, or even a "clean" stage by stage progression. Often progression to one stage is temporary and regression to an earlier stage follows. Often one may be "Out" to friends but not to family. Often one may be satisfied with oneself but unable to find and maintain intimate relationships, thus preventing further growth.

What follows is a short summary of McWhirter and Madison's (1984) six stages of gay relationships. It should be noted that couples may form while the individuals are at any of the given stages. The individual members of the couple may also be at different stages of the coming out process.

Blending - Stage 1 - Year 1

This first stage in a couple's development entails the "unification" of the couple into a single unit. Each is very happy to have the other and to no longer feel isolated and alone. The couple spends most all their time together, experiences high limerence (romantic love), show high sexual activity, and attempt to equalize the relationship. This equalization process serves to help the couple negotiate responsibilities, rules, mutual goals, individual strengths and weaknesses.... It can be a very difficult time for couples, in that the two members of the couple are socialized in very similar ways. Males are supposed to be decision makers, bread winners, and dominant. Two men may have a hard time giving up control, negotiating responsibilities, learning to rely on and support each other, and being able to show each other their strengths as well as weaknesses.

Nesting - Stage 2 - Years 2 and 3

This second stage is characterized by homemaking, finding compatibility, declining limerence, and ambivalence. Homemaking serves to represent their commitment to each other. Finding compatibility requires accepting and learning to live with each other's differences, personality styles, needs, and goals. Issues of control, power, autonomy etc. can play an especially important role at this point. The loss of limerence (or the "end of the honeymoon") can result in a more realistic view of the relationship and can cause a weakening of the relationship or of the members' commitment to the relationship. This may result in some ambivalence, depression, or jealousy. Internalized homophobia, models about how relationships develop, isolation from role models, ideas about how couples act, what couples should do and not do... all come into play here.

Maintaining - Stage 3 - Years 4 and 5

This stage is characterized by the re-emergence of the individual, establishing traditions and customs, dealing with conflict, and taking risks. The members of the couple may re-assert their individual needs and deal with the conflicts that will result. The couple does not have the traditions provided by dating, engagement, marriage, and religion, and has to develop their own. They may settle into traditions around holidays, may wear rings, may deal with the issue of monogamy ... and increase the stability of the couple. Each member may express interest in new activities or hobbies that do not include the other, make friends outside the couple without the other, and make career changes or development. Each member may take risks by expressing something that they dislike about the other. This involves the risk of hurting the other, losing the relationship, and of admitting that one is not everything to one's spouse. The couple learns also to deal with disagreement, conflict, problems, and "standing differences of opinion." The couple may get through these hard times with the support of family, which McWhirter and Madison (1982) note, may only come after the couple has been together for three or so years.

Building - Stage 4 - Years 6 through 10

This stage is characterized by the settling of the last stage and the feeling of "dependability." The couple establishes the independence of the individual partners, but also reaches a new balance of dependence/ independence. They are now able to collaborate towards newer goals and desires, such as career building or pooled financial ventures. One partner who did the cooking for several years may turn the job over to the other partner and go back to school. This stage may also be marked by a comfortable complementarity, a decreased need to process every issue and discuss every decision, and the ability to "know what the other is thinking" in a conversation. This may also be detrimental if the communication process breaks down or if members make unwarranted assumptions about the relationship.

Releasing - Stage 5 - Years 10 through 20

In this stage the couple trust each other completely, after realizing who they are and who the other person is. There is no desire to "change" the other one. Close friendship and companionship are the main characteristics of this stage, as well as higher relationship quality (Kurdek, 1989). Money and resources are no longer shared so much as they are simply owned by both. Each member gives themselves freely to the other. The couple may however, begin to find life with each other as boring. They may begin to take each other for granted, may sleep apart, may find little pleasure in their accomplishments, and the individual members may experience the "mid-life crisis." However, after resolving this stage, the couple may move into the next stage.

Renewing - Stage 6

The could be called "the retirement" stage of the relationship. The couple has achieved adequate financial security and now has time for each other. As they move toward "old age" together issues of health may become important. Each individual may be concerned with his own health as well as the health of the other. Old friends may die at this stage as well. Issues of productivity, accomplishment, and meaning in life may become important. It should be noted that McWhirter and Madison compiled these stages before 1984, when AIDS was beginning to be identified in hospitals. Issues of health, dying, financial security, and loneliness become even more important during this stage in the 1990's. Lower self-esteem and depression may exacerbate already present feelings of estrangement from family (Lang, 1991). Issues and conflicts in this stage of the relationship conform to Erikson's "Integrity versus Despair" stage of psychosocial development.

The Coming Out Effect

2010-08-30T09:51:00.002-05:00

So i am about to come out to my dad's side of the family. This side is a part om my heritage that has been scary. My dad's family is very domineering and it has been a struggle to feel comfortable and have that "family love" feeling. I have one immediate Aunt from that side she is the oldest of the siblings and is the matriarch of the family. I came out to her and she was kool with me. She told me that people would accept you as long as you are successful in life.
Okay before i continue let me explain how my dad's family is. They all live outside Africa for over 30 years. The men all live off one road here in my Home city. My aunt lives in the UK for over 40 years now. Ok now that is said i hope that their exposure in the "western" world would make them more receptive to my coming out. I do not know how i am gonna do it, but i know i am ready to do it. I know one of my Uncle who is so African would be a major obstacle to the whole idea. He has this unspoken beef for my dad and mum but really do i care.

Speaking about coming out, the African experience is such that we are more worried on how our family would be treated by the community rather than how our family would treat us. Africa is such that a community controls the mindset of the individual. I know that immediate family would be accepting but they would be more concerned about how they would be looked at. I was brought up to please family and community but nit self. I was brought up where anyone older then you by age or educational class had the right to discipline me. The upbringing of an individual is a collective responsibility of everyone from family to strangers. I remember playing on the streets and get into boy fights how strangers would come and intervene and even beat us. I say this because when issues of "taboo" happens it is usually the whole family that is affected not even the person involved. I have seen a case when a girl got pregnant and the whole neighborhood knew and shunned the family.

In USA things like these those not occur. The upbringign of an individual is either immediate family or the individual. Here anything really goes in terms of actions. I see how friends are out to their family and the only person who really is worried id their immediate family memebers. I see where people do not care about what happenes in your family,here it is mind your own business mentality. When i first came i had a culture shock on family values, seeing lots of Single mothers, baby papa drama, how sex here is like readily available knocked me off my feet. Over the years here i have been able to assimilate and fit in but not totally in.
After all is said and done i know must start coming out to my family. Wish me the best bye for now.

WHO REALLY CARES

2010-08-23T01:38:00.000-05:00

Who really cares about ones sexuality.
Who cares about what happens in the bedroom.
I come from a culture where men and women show affection without anyone scared. I grew up where men and women were separated from men. As children we played 'boys" game while girls stayed in. In High Schol for six years i showered with many guys at the same time. we slept together on the same bed or cramped together. We hold hands and hug each other. In social nights at school we danced with each other and all. Even as adult we still act the same.
I had a culture shock coming here. Where everything is the opposite, the interaction between male and female starts as early as day one. It is weird to shower together, to sleep together or show affection to one another. In Africa men do not cook, but here a man cook. In Africa men tie a piece of cloth around their waist like a skirt but here it would say gay. In Africa men dance shaking their booty up and down, like the New Orleans bounce here. In USA it would be considered gay for a guy to dance the same.
I write because i get confused when people say "that so gay" or "don't be gay". I wonder if there is a checklist to be gay. All i know gay could mean very happy or gay sexual is attraction to the same sex. I am a man since u have a penis instead of a vagina. i am no wy a woman, i do not have any female genitals. I hate to be classified. I hate being asked if i am top or bottom who cares. I like sexual intercourse with a male it does not matter who is doing the poking as long as both parties are haivng a great time.
I am sleepy right now and tired of rambling. I would be back take care

BUT REMEMBER WHO REALLY CARES

Loneliness

2010-08-22T16:23:00.001-05:00

Most times i wonder if I should die who would know. I am at that place where no one really cares about me. My roommate cares less if i am alive or dead, My family rarely checks on me. I have no real friends who care about my well being. I wonder where i am mist times. I have those who only worry when they need a favor from me. if i should die in my room how many days would it be before i am discovered. I always initiate all forms of communication. I am a person with emotions i keep saying. I might say little words when you meet me, but gradually i open up and let you in. I am in a state of severe loneliness, I want to reach out and touch and be touched.
I wonder who really cares about me. My Aunty said that it is a gay person's life to be depressed and lonely. I do not want to let them know it is what i am going through so they would say i told you so. I rarely leave my house i so hate weekends because i do not have to go to work. I wish i worked 7 days a week, I do nothing on weekends just stay in doors and sulk for the whole two days, I do not get invited to anywhere or get visited. I get nothing. I am just a lonely African gay guy. I have been indoors all day and not seen another human being not even pet life. I am tired but what do i do. I hate the city and state i live in i so want to get out of this nightmare, but i love my job and the company.
I wonder is it because i am gay or is it just normal for people. I wonder is i was an opposite gender loving person would i be in a different state of mind. I wonder if i would have been married now and have kids like most of my "age mates". I want oi have all these but with the right guy. I want o have children a partner i can look into his eyes every day and say i love you. I want people to say hell i just called to make sure you are ok. I am young in age but i have gone through midlife and old age crises and i am not yet 30 years old or even 28 years old.

Loneliness is a very sensitive place to be in. I would not search for happiness in the wrong places and would not try to validate anything. I am still in that place and pray i get out one day.

Would I be loved

2010-08-19T12:53:00.001-05:00

Right now i just write. I am going through so much emotions right now. I have been so single for like forever and each time i try dating i loose out. The irony of it all is that i always end up being friends with all my ex and those i try dating. I am writing this because i am so emotionally depressed about it all. I have never really experienced a true relationship and i long for one. I like i am in a fairy tale world and cursed to be single. I get more people interested in me sexually than reality. I need to be clear that i never go out to search for men at all no way. I would like to be loved and be loved. I am a good fellow all i ask is a chance to be you lover. I have no regret on being a friend. I do not know how long this would continue. I am so hurt and scared that i would never get the chance to be your lover and show you how much i care about you. I always get the losing end. I do not know if there is that special person or not. I do not know whether to love again or not. I really do not know what to feel or do anymore. I have been broken so many times that I feel it is normal to be broken. I wish i just get a chance to be a lover and to be loved. I am willing to sacrifice to be with you. Just a chance.

2010-08-18T13:01:00.002-05:00

I am back and would start updating so much has happened since i last updated. There has been the partial victory in California. The news about a gay president in Somaliand in Africa. There has been documentary on the Uganda anti-gay movements. The Malawi Gay couple drama. This and lits more. I would be more committed now to this blog ok. Thanks for all the comments from my previous post.

Hate Crimes Bill Approved By Congress, Extends Protection To Gays

2009-10-22T22:37:00.001-05:00

WASHINGTON — Physical attacks on people based on their sexual orientation will join the list of federal hate crimes in a major expansion of the civil rights-era law Congress approved Thursday and sent to President Barack Obama.

A priority of the late Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass., that had been on the congressional agenda for a decade, the measure expands current law to include crimes based on gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability. The measure is named for Matthew Shepard, the gay Wyoming college student murdered 11 years ago.

To assure its passage after years of frustrated efforts, Democratic supporters attached the measure to a must-pass $680 billion defense policy bill the Senate approved 68-29. The House passed the defense bill earlier this month.

Many Republicans, normally staunch supporters of defense bills, voted against the bill because of the hate crimes provision. All the no votes were Republicans except for Sen. Russ Feingold, D-Wis., who supported the hate crimes provision but opposes what he says is the open-ended military commitment in Afghanistan.

"The inclusion of the controversial language of the hate crimes legislation, which is unrelated to our national defense, is deeply troubling," said Sen. Jeff Sessions, R-Ala.

Hate crimes law enacted after the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr., in 1968 centered on crimes based on race, color, religion or national origin.

The expansion has long been sought by civil rights and gay rights groups. Conservatives have opposed it, arguing that it creates a special class of victims. They also have been concerned that it could silence clergymen or others opposed to homosexuality on religious or philosophical grounds.

Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights group, hailed the bill as "our nation's first major piece of civil rights legislation for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Too many in our community have been devastated by hate violence."

Some 45 states have hate crimes statutes, and the bill would not change current practices where hate crimes are generally investigated and prosecuted by state and local officials.

But it does broaden the narrow range of actions – such as attending school or voting – that can trigger federal involvement and allows the federal government to step in if the Justice Department certifies that a state is unwilling or unable to follow through on an alleged hate crime.

The measure also provides federal grants to help state and local governments prosecute hate crimes and funds programs to combat hate crimes committed by juveniles.

"As we learned in the civil rights era, sometimes communities need assistance and resources from the federal government when they have to confront the most emotional and dangerous kinds of crimes," said Sen. Michael Bennet, D-Colo.

The bill also creates a federal crime to penalize attacks against U.S. service members on account of their service.

Attorney General Eric Holder said nearly 80,000 hate crime incidents have been reported to the FBI since he first testified before Congress in support of a hate crimes bill 11 years ago. "It has been one of my highest personal priorities to ensure that this legislation finally becomes law," he said.

The FBI says more than half of reported hate crimes are motivated by racial bias. Next most frequent are crimes based on religious bias, at around 18 percent, and sexual orientation, at 16 percent.

At the urging of Republicans the bill was changed to strengthen free speech protections to assure that a religious leader or any other person cannot be prosecuted on the basis of his or her speech, beliefs or association.

"Nothing in this legislation diminishes an American's freedom of religion, freedom of speech or press or the freedom to assemble," said Sen. Ben Cardin, D-Md. "Let me be clear. The Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act targets acts, not speech."

That didn't convince Sen. Jim DeMint, R-S.C., who said the bill was a "dangerous step" toward thought crimes. He asked whether the bill would "serve as a warning to people not to speak out too loudly about their religious views."

Tony Perkins, president of the conservative Family Research Council, said the measure was "part of a radical social agenda that could ultimately silence Christians and use the force of government to marginalize anyone whose faith is at odds with homosexuality."

Coming Out of the Closet at Work

2009-10-21T19:07:00.003-05:00

What a day. I just came out at work it was filled with mixed emotions. I cried i laughed but above all i was able to educate them about being gay and all. I was really amazed that people still have stereotype mentality of gay people. I realized that most people ideaology of gay people is based on media and what they hear.

In reality the gay community has helped push the stereotype and all others see is the sex aspect and everything negative there is to life. Well this is for another day. Here is my office coming out topic enjoy.

Things to Consider If You're Considering Coming Out

Coming out of the closet is almost always at least a little scary. It can be even more frightening when your job is involved. How will your coworkers react? Will your job still be safe? Are you coming out because you want to, or do you feel obligated to do so? Is it practical to come out

on the job? These questions are just a few to consider when you are considering coming out of the closet at work.

How will your coworkers react?

Whether or not you like your coworkers, you'll still have to work with them after you come out of the closet. Coming out tactfully is going to largely influence their opinions, but other factors will influence your coworkers as well. If you have coworkers who are passionately homophobic, perhaps this isn't the right workplace for you to come out. Are your coworkers religious? While not all religious people are intolerant, that can be an influential factor. Try testing the waters a bit before you come out if you are unsure of your coworkers viewpoints on homosexuality. If something was in the news about a hate crime, gay marriage, a controversial commercial, or anything to do with homosexuality, see how they feel about the issue. Remember however that sometimes even those who are accepting or at least tolerant of those of other sexual orientations are going to have other factors involved as well when discussing such issues. For example, someone could be tolerant of homosexuals, yet be against gay marriage because they feel that in their religion marriage is between a man and a woman. Someone who feels that it is okay to poke fun at those who are different from you in the name of comedy may seem uncaring to you, yet they could still be an accepting person and just have a different sense of humor than you. Don't forget that such issues can be multi-faceted, so don't let one discussion dash your hopes of being able to come out in the workplace. It is important however, to ensure that you take your coworkers reactions into account so that you do not inadvertently end up being isolated.

Gay Black Men speak out

2009-10-02T19:26:00.006-05:00

A group of gay black men gather to speak about their common experiences of being black and gay in America. There has been a rise in black ay groups around. A good Example is The Men's Gathering in Houston, Texas and also in other places. Paul Guillory is doing a wonderful work in the black gay community here in Houston, Texas.

www.health.groups.yahoo.com/group/tmghoustontexas/

Gay Africans

2009-07-16T08:14:00.004-05:00

I was told by my friend of mine who is African that his sexuality is straight. I asked why do you say so he said he is. This is someone who only has sex only with "young" guys barely out of high school. He goes to all things gay. I am not surprised a lot of Africans are scared to say they are gay. Being brought up in a culture where masculinity means one needs to be aggressive and show no emotional or feminine behavior. A culture where a gay person can be killed, jailed, disowned by family and fiends. He is protecting himself, but how long can he operate like that. It is due to such things that has kept the African gay community in bondage, we should come together unite for a positive purpose not just sex and parties. It is time to speak out and be liberated from bondage. The irony is before colonialism gay people were part of the African culture but the western world brought in there law which then included being gay illegal. This same law has long been removed from the penal code of these western countries but still remains in effect in africa. I am here for a change and would be a change i have decided to speak out for the truth and stand out. I AM A GAY AFRICAN GUY

A Violent Social Construction: The Homosexual Closet

2009-07-12T21:20:00.001-05:00

Our society's teaching of anti-homosexual attitudes - hatred for homosexuals - has caused incredible violence to be inflicted on gay males. The hatred and violence still exists in many forms and the situation effectively keeps most gay males in two "closet" categories. The most familiar closet involves people who know they have homo-sex desires, don't reveal this fact to most people they know, and generally pretend to be heterosexual. The other closet occurs in degrees within the mind as "repressed homosexuality," and it is the result of socially learned homo-negativity producing self-hatred for the ones who cannot completely repress their homosexual desires. These males may know or suspect they are homosexual but deny it, or they may be consciously unaware of their homo-desires as the result of total repression.

Homosexual closets are social constructions rooted in hatred and they represent one of the many forms of violence our society inflicts on homosexual people, but closets accomplish much more. When homosexual males are in a closet, they are participating in the social factors developed to destroy gay youth, such as denying them role models. In all minority groups, youths need positive role models, but there are few successful Canadian gay people who are visible. In fact, there's only Svend Robinson who is well known, and other gay or lesbian MPs are in the closet. If they are ever "outed," as it recently happened to Tory MP Denis Pronovost, it is usually because they were accused of criminal activity. Pronovost was charged with sexual assault involving men, for having sex with underage boys, and for paying for sex with a minor. (64)

Similarly, New Brunswick's former Premier, Richard Hatfield was in the closet, meaning that little to nothing is known about his alleged homosexual life and relationships. Few people behave perfectly, however, and November, 1992, news reports were alleging that Hatfield had patted a young male's buttocks, and that a hug given to a male had a sexual connotation. As I encountered these allegations, I wondered about the conclusions people would make about an individual based only on the reported information. Surely, if it wasn't for Svend Robinson being "out of the closet," Pronovost's "outing" and the Hatfield allegations could only confirm the traditional myths about homosexual males. This happens when most gay males are kept in the closet and the only ones reported on are being charged with crimes or convicted.

The socially enforced closet certainly has very negative consequences, and a similar set up exists in education systems. When I quit teaching in 1980, it was because I wanted a loving relationship with a male. I didn't want to have a closeted life where I would be having anonymous or near-anonymous sex to protect my secret, a life of using male prostitutes, or having a love relationship in hiding where fear would rule our lives and we would be living like rats. I didn't want to pretend I was heterosexual which, for some gays, even involves marrying a woman. Two months after I quit teaching, I met a male, the feelings were wonderful, and we lived together for twelve years. Our neighbors knew we are gay simply because we lived together.

In education, the 'law' all Alberta gay and lesbian teachers abide by is the one stating that gay and lesbian youth will not have openly gay teachers as positive role models. I could have been such a model but doing this was impossible. Because I didn't want to be a part of this 'game' and wanted to respect myself, my only option was to quit. This act, however, has implication for gay and lesbian teachers in school systems, especially if we have to-consider what kinds of gay and lesbian teachers would stay in such a situation. The answer to this query may be frightening, even though all gay teachers would not be in a negative role model category. Some are living in great moral pain while others may be enjoying the situation for a number of reasons.

Last fall, a 21-year-old gay male reported on his experience with a closeted Calgary high school teacher who recognized the boy's homo-likelihood, obtained a confirmation, and then gave him an option. If he had sex with his teacher, he would make a very good mark in the course. If he didn't, he would get a low mark. The boy was in a bind. Such things are never discussed in schools and he didn't want to make an issue of it because this could have "outed" him. To solve his problem, he transferred to another high school, leaving this teacher to continue his harassment activities in an environment dominated by silence about homosexual realities. As we have learned with respect to the sexual abuse of children and women, environments dominated by silence always favor the abusers.

In our education systems, students are most likely to discover that a teacher is gay as it happened in the above case, which only reinforces negative stereotypes. The same also applies when students discover that teachers like James Schleppe are gay. This fact was revealed because Schleppe was murdered and information related to the case was reported in the media where it was inferred that he used male prostitutes. In the early 1980's, in another case, a gay teacher was fired because he admitted to having sex with a male in a park. The reason this fact came to light was because, after he had sex, he left the park but the other male died. Where, however, are the gay teachers who could be offsetting the negative opinion of gay males resulting from such outings? Where are the gay and lesbian teachers who could be positive role models for gay and lesbian youth?

In 1991, I discovered that not one gay or lesbian teacher in Calgary schools had ever approached school officials with the concern they should have for gay and lesbian youth, not even with respect to their high risk for suicide. Yet, many know about this, but they are in a situation where, even if colleagues may know they are gay, the spoken / unspoken rule is: they are not to make their sexual orientation an issue and they will be tolerated only if they know "their place." All gays or lesbians who occupy upper position in the school system also follow the same rule, and teachers generally follow the law. To ever describe homosexuality and homosexuals in positive terms could cause serious problems.

The above situation was not created by education authorities who said: Let's plan a system which inflicts maximum damage on gay and lesbian youth. We'll make sure that their self-esteem is kept at the lowest possible level so that their suicide rate is kept at a maximum level. For good measure, if they ever hear about a gay teacher, we'll also set it up so that the teacher fits the negative stereotypes. But we don't have to worry about positive role models surfacing. After all, there's probably not a self-respecting gay teacher in our school system. This highly effective lethal plan, doesn't exist as a conscious effort. It's more like what people often call "the system," almost as if nothing can be done to change "the system." This is incorrect and asking teachers a few special questions soon produces the realization that "the system" is "them" - working collectively with each one doing their part - and they all know what they are doing to gay and lesbian kids.

Many gays and lesbians in our society are closeted because they fear the abuse or even the violence which may be inflicted by their own colleagues. For example, last winter, a CTV "Shirley" program focused on gay and lesbian police officers in Canada. Only one openly gay policeman from Toronto could be found. Another closeted gay officer was behind a screen and his voice was altered. He was terrified of what some of his fellow officers would do to him if they discovered his secret. The openly gay officer mentioned that other policemen would sometimes avoid coming to his assistance if he was in a dangerous situation, and this is expected. Gays and lesbians throughout North America regularly report that they were verbally and even physically abused by homohating police officers. For the program, an openly lesbian Canadian police officer could not be found and a lesbian officer from the Chicago Police Department was invited to appear on the program.

Homophobia also exists in places like fire departments as verified when I met a Calgary fireman who was gay and getting a divorce because he finally told his wife the truth about himself. He was also quitting his "enjoyed" career, and giving up many accrued benefits, because he was terrified that his fellow firemen would discover the truth about his sexual orientation. This fear exists because, in many of the machoprofessions, gay bashing has been very acceptable. The fact that he quit his career, however, and that I quit mine, essentially reflects some of the many hidden highly abusive situations gay and lesbian people have been experiencing in our "traditionally" abusive and violent society.

Living in the closet always reminds a gay person of our society's hatred for him/her, and what gay people do - participate in - when in the closet often creates more self-hatred and denial, because they have to avoid the pain created when they are abusing gay and lesbian youth as they were once abused. Generally, gay people are closeted because they want to succeed in our society and this is their priority. Success often depends on being a normal person, meaning that they are not to be homosexual. Even getting married may be necessary, especially for upper level promotions. Gay males who marry women, however, are inflicting violence on women, except when their wives know about their homosexual orientation and have agreed to the arrangement. Unfortunately, most women don't know about their husband's socially imposed closeted status and they are now being exposed to the danger of becoming HIV infected. Often enough, these men don't use condoms when having sex with their wives because doing this would "out" them, unless they have exceptional lying abilities and very naive wives.

Our society's traditional anti-homosexual disposition is obviously creating some homosexual "monsters," and monstrous situations come in many forms. The situation existing for gay and lesbian youth in our schools suggests that our school systems are highly abusive "monsters." All closeted gay and lesbian teachers are also "monsters" for denying gay youth positive role models, and the same applies because of their silence with respect to the "homosexuality" factor in the youth suicide and school dropout problems. Unfortunately, we have yet to consider the abuse of gays and lesbians to be "monstrous acts" because we have a history of thinking that all these abuses are highly moral acts.

Monsters often create monsters, as the existence of Jeffrey Dahmer reveals, because such a person could have only been created in a racist and homophobic society. Dahmer is a homosexual who hated homosexuals and non-whites, chose his victims accordingly, and was highly sexist. For example, he tried to destroy part of a victim's brain in the hope that he could make him into a perfect slave, which is exactly what macho males in prisons impose on other males by using other forms of violence. Dahmer, however, is not the only monster we have created who has sought to destroy his own kind. In the early 1950s, the infamous McCarthy Communists / homosexual witch-hunts were happening in the United States, and they were also happening in Canada. Our government continued to hunt down homosexuals in the civil service until the late 1960s. The objective was to ruin their careers and to replace them with heterosexuals: the heterosexual men's traditional version of "affirmative action."

In the last 20 years, the existence of an interesting group of socially created homosexual "monsters" became better known to the average person, although many gay people were always aware of these individuals. Money (1988) labeled them "malignant bisexuals." These males sought great power and status in society and understood that hating and punishing homosexuals was always perceived to be a reflection of the "highest morality." Therefore, one of the best "closet" situation available included their participation in the destruction of their own kind; it is now strongly suspected that Senator Joseph McCarthy who headed the American homosexual witch-hunts in the early 1950s was also homosexual. His prosecuting attorney, Roy Cohn, was definitely gay, and its is strongly suspected that J. Edgar Hoover was gay because he lived with the FBI's number-two man, Clyde Tolsen, for more than 40 years. When Hoover died, he "left the bulk of his $551,500 estate to Tolsen" (79: 47). The movie, CITIZEN COHN, which was aired on HBO in September, 1992, made it clear that Hoover and Tolsen were lovers. In the 1987 book, THE GAY BOOK OF LISTS by Leigh W. Rutledge, McCarthy, Hoover, and Francis Cardinal Spellman, (who was anti-gay and supported McCarthy's abuses), were described and listed under the title: 3 MEN THE GAY MOVEMENT DOESN'T WANT TO CLAIM.

At the time few people knew that the hunters of "dangerous", "evil," and "morally weak" homosexuals were themselves homosexual. If, however, anyone fitted negative homosexual stereotypes, it was these self-hating homo-hunters considered to be "morally righteous" because they were reflecting our society's traditional morality; this was the type of morality also used to make the desired destruction of all Native cultures appear to be righteous. We hated homosexuals and behaved accordingly, and Roy Cohn continued his abuses of homosexual people up to his death from AIDS in 1986. He had become very powerful, was very promiscuous, needed to have sex with a male at least once a day, and he could afford to have four or five young male prostitutes on his payroll so that his sexual needs would be met (36: 364-365). He was strongly opposed to equal rights for gays (36: 415), and was totally against the idea of having openly gay teachers in public schools (94: 239). Cohn had been good friends with Cardinal Spellman who was often entertained on Cohn's yacht.

Spellman's hidden life may be summed up with: "There were stories about his seducing altar boys and choir boys. He had his favorites among handsome priests and he was known to have lovers outside the clergy" (36: 280). Publicly, however, "Spellman's moral concerns were almost always of sexual nature ... He was a rabid public moralist..." He was quoted as saying that Broadway "would drag the name of New York down to be synonymous with Sodom and Gomorrah." "At times Spellman insisted that others be punished for innocuous sexual fare" (20: 151-152). On the cover of his biography, THE AMERICAN POPE, Spellman is described: "No Catholic in America had more power, held it longer, or used it more ruthlessly." He died in 1967 at the age of 78 and Gore Vidal, who knew Spellman was gay, summed up his life: "The serious crimes of Spellman were not sexual" (20: 153), leaving it implied that his greatest sin was a lethal form of hypocrisy.

When we learn about individuals like Spellman, Cohn, Hoover, McCarthy, and others, it's usually after the fact, and we may conclude that they were horrible people. Yet, they were only playing by the established social rules if they wanted to be successful. They were living in a society which stated: If we discover your homosexual orientation, there's no hope. You're dead! Still today, this is the policy of one of Canada's largest employers, trainer of skills, and creator of the stepping stone which leads to many very highly placed civil service jobs for high ranking retired officers: The Canadian Military.

Our traditionally morbid "affirmative action only for heterosexual males" society has been a monstrous and highly abusive system, at least from a gay perspective given that limited opportunities were purposefully inflicted on gay and lesbian people. To avoid the plethora of punishments, the "closet" was mandatory and it was to be a good "closet" because, up to 1989, the Canadian Military (like its American counterpart) was actively witch-hunting closeted gay males and lesbians within its ranks. The hunting has now stopped but numerous punishments apply if the homosexual orientation of a military person is known. For example, they may not be given a promotion, no matter how well they excel in their work. [At editing time - Nov. 1992 - the Canadian situation had changed as the result of a supreme court ruling, but it's expected that discrimination against gays and lesbians will continue in less overt forms.]

Our homohatred also causes other problems such as creating countless males - "monsters" - who are in a psychological closet, have sex with males, and always deny they are in any way homosexual or bisexual. This is done to avoid the total destruction of their self-esteem intimately related to socially learned perceptions. Ultra macho males in prisons accomplish this by having a belief system causing them to degrade other males to a subhuman level. In accordance to men's traditional view of women, the inferior sex slave status of the males they rape, use, and abuse is deemed to be "the female status." Once males have been magically turned into women, dominant males then consider their homo-sexual activities with these women (also equates to gay-identified males) to then be "normal" and "heterosexual."

There are, however, other ways that similar types of defenses against the homosexual self-label can be articulated. Money (1988) describes these males to be "homophobic, gay-bashing hoodlums who ... pick up or are picked up by a gay male, have sex with him, and they exorcise their own homosexual guilt by assaulting and maybe killing him" (65: 110). This phenomena is a well known part of North American gay history sometimes written about as an experienced part of life. For example, Tennessee Williams and a gay friend were the victims of two sailors in this category. "Brutal sex" was inflicted and enjoyed by the assailants who then viciously assaulted the gay males (91: 97).

Money labeled this behavior the "exorcist syndrome" which is a version of the "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" nature manifested by people like Cardinal Spellman and Roy Cohn. The phenomena is also similar to a "split personality" situation. Money explains that one of the personalities is "the grand inquisitor," as McCarthy and Cohn had become in a spectacular way, and it needs to punish the homosexual part of their 'personality' (65: 108-109). This internal war is also projected outward causing these (pathological?) socially created monsters to harm other gay males by ruining their careers or, as other males will do, punishing them may include physical assaults and even murder.

In my community there existed a less significant "malignant bisexual" who, in his early teens, was demonstrating his evolving personality. He had an informal club and young boys could only join if they performed oral sex on him and his friend. At the time I was only eight or nine years old and a new friend of mine was a member of the club. By then, however, I had acquired the wisdom to know that sex - with rewards attached - is usually abusive sex; for me sex was something shared between friends. By the age of 18, this male had joined the Canadian Military and, on a trip back home, he was reporting on what he and his friends had done to "a queer" in Montreal. This male had performed oral sex on them and they ended the encounter by assaulting and robbing him. [The club did not last long given that only one younger boy had been conned into being a member, but it did produce important information needed to understand the male who would later seek out gay-identified males to do what he had once enjoyed with a younger boy.]

From James Baldwin's life files: "On every street corner I was called a faggot. This meant that I was despised, and, however horrible this is, it is clear. What was not so clear at that time of my life was what motivated the men and boys who mocked and chased me; for, if they found me when they were alone, they spoke to me very differently - frightening me, I must say, into a stunned and speechless paralysis. For when they were alone, they spoke very gently and wanted to take me home and make love ... The bafflement and the pain this caused in me remain beyond description" (11). Unfortunately, North American gay-identified boys are rarely, if ever, educated about the world where they will usually be abused and confused, and the ones to most benefit from this are all the older males seeking to use/abuse them in many ways, often enough sexually.

From the life files of an African-American gay male who only sought out married males to have sex with: He appeared on an Oprah Winfrey program aired in September, 1992, and stated that, as a rule, he recognizes a potential sex partner when the male is visibly and loudly homophobic. He did not explain why this is so but it can be assumed that such men have "homosexuality" on their minds and that they are also troubled by this inner reality; over the years I have met many similar males. On the same program, Oprah noted that, from the information given to her by the many gay males acquaintances who reported on their commonly occurring sexual experiences with married men, it's obvious that many married men are having sex with men.

In 1980, when I met Richard, the person I love and lived with, he told me about the most horrible part of his life in a Winnipeg high school in the late 1970s. One male did his best to make his life as miserable as possible. The high probability that he was homosexual was later confirmed when Richard saw him in a gay bar. He came over to talk but Richard was disgusted by his presence, and even more disgusted by his desire to have sex. The world Richard had believed in when he was in high school was not what it appeared to be, and other gay males have reported similar experiences. On May 1, 1992, I was at Lesbian and Gay Youth Calgary where I met a 21-year-old gay male who went to school in Calgary. He reported that he was having sex with males in different secluded parts of his high school and that he once walked into a situation where 8 or 9 males were involved in oral and anal sex. He also noted that the very homophobic male who gave him the most problems in high school was later encountered in a Calgary gay bar.

A fascinating aspect of the war waged against gays in our society is the observation that it is often (always?) being waged by repressed homosexuals who may not be homosexually active, or repressed closeted homosexuals who are having sex with males and hate themselves. The targets may be other closeted homosexuals, but the victims are more often visible "out of the closet" gay males. These wars, however, would not exist if our society would stop its highly effective teaching of anti-homosexual attitudes and homohatred which produces many "closets" and all the horrors being described. When we teach hatred, we can expect to reap hatred, and its dividend: SOCIAL VIOLENCE.

To understand ourselves better, it is very educational to take a cold look at our history of abusing people. Hitler always used established perceptions of morality to sell the proposed abuses of people, and a similar situation existed with respect to black slavery. White supremacists had rationalized the idea that they were doing Black people a favor by having them as slaves! Our abuses of Native people was also based on immorality. The objective was to make them into people just like us because we believed they were seriously lacking. At least Hitler was sane and knew that trying to make Jewish people into Nazis was impossible. We were nonetheless claiming to be moral just like all people today who hate gay people and teach such hatred also believe , often in association with the claim to being the most moral in society. Given the evidence, it should therefore not be difficult to agree with the well known maxim noted by Money (1988) in reference to "malignant bisexuals" and other frauds such as Jimmy Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, and others: "Scratch the surface of the self-righteous and find the devil" (65: 110).

The study of homo-history leads to the repeated realization that the most morbid people in society usually belong to the group considered to be the most moral and righteous. The wisdom acquired from my history has also permitted me to quickly detect what many people don't see. For example, when we hear highly moral ones say: "If we ever accept homosexuality, or stop teaching hatred for homosexuality, this will cause a return to Sodom and Gomorrah and everyone will be homosexual!" we usually don't hear the statement being made about themselves. They would have become homosexual if they had grown up in a world not rabidly anti-homosexual. They then would have accepted their homosexual orientation instead of becoming the near-pathological malignant "projection" cases they are presenting themselves to be.

Given that "being homosexual" is nothing more than the discovery and acceptance of one's homosexual nature - as all the experts on the subject (gays and lesbians) report to be the case - all the people who fear and oppose the idea of having openly gay teachers are revealing something about themselves. They believe that homosexuality is "contagious," and that somebody can become homosexual if they have a gay teacher (Should nuns therefore be forbidden to teach boys?) A reason why someone would believe this is based on personal experiences, such as having homosexual desires but denying their homosexual orientation simply because their desires are not acted upon. Yet these males know they would enjoy having sex with a male and that, if this occurred, they would then say: "I've become a homosexual."

It may also be possible, and common, that such repressed homosexuals had homosexual experiences in their youth and are mistakenly attributing the existence of their homosexual desires to these experiences. The same could apply in cases of childhood and early adolescent sexual abuse perpetrated by a man, and the boy then has homosexual fantasies. Sexual identity problems are very common for these boys and related observations had led to belief that the sexual abuse of boys by men causes homosexuality. Most researchers have not yet suspected that these common causal misattribution problems are probably related to an interesting selection process used by men who seek boys, their tactics being quite different than the ones used at the Mount Cashel Orphanage which was more like a prison. These men usually select certain types of boys, the choice often being made after observing the boy's interaction pattern with others and his body language. As one man explained on a Calgary television news program, he had always picked boys well, except for the one mistake turning him into a convicted sex offender. From his statements, it was obvious that the selection process was related to detecting features often deemed to be pre-homosexual attributes. Therefore, it was the homosexual orientation of these boys implicated in the often reported sexual identity problems, not the sexual experience they had with a man.

Unfortunately, most people don't even know the basic of sexual identity formation, mostly because we are exposed to so little quality education on human sexuality. People are therefore left with their myths, such as blaming their homosexual desires on an early homosexual experience, or on gay males thought to be responsible for this, and they may also use the infamous "devil" metaphor to explain the homosexual desires they are fighting against. In their minds, a homosexual fantasy or dream is synonymous with the work of "Satan," against whom they must fight. The equation between "homosexuality" and "the devil," however, is as dangerous as was the equation between women and the devil existing during the Inquisition. When a war is declared against any group, there will always be a very high level of social violence and numerous casualties.

What i seek

2009-07-12T00:52:00.003-05:00

I am seeking an identity

I am seeking a voice

I am seeking a people

I am seeking a generation

I am seeking a place

I am seeking a community

These are the words I say to myself everyday. As a young gay African American guy I seek an identity on who I am. I also discovered that this is the same questions many young gay men ask especially African and black men. I grew up not having any gay role model especially in Africa where it was impossible to come out. When I came out into the scene back in Nigeria, A lot of my black gay generation fall victim. They are materialistic, sex seeking, no motivation and vision for their future. They are more concerned about being seen than actually see, they loose touch of that which is important. Where do we go? This question has remained unanswered by me and many out there? Most young gay black guys seek the answers in the wrong places. I know there are centers where they seek help but many do not want to go there they are just consummated by instant pleasure and delights.

I have met a couple of young gay black guys some as young as 16 who all they care about is SEX, DRUGS, PARTY & MATERIALISTIC LIVING. This same thing is what happens not just here in USA but also in Africa and UK. I wonder what can be done to cause a change, where are the black gay role models we should look up to. Where are the black gay Greek groups or support groups we should look to. There is so wide a gap between gay generations and unfortunately the only thing crossing across is sex. I call my generation the media fed generation also known as Generation X. A generation that all they are concerned about is what the media has given them and role models based on people who are acting out to the public than real people. Even the gay shows on TV does not help Noah’s Arc, Queer as folks, all these programs give them a false feeling of who they are. Now Gen X is living a life of based on what the media has given them. Is this what being gay is all about? The answer is no, there are positive good black gay role models out there , some are out some are not. These older men should be able to mentor the younger ones and not seek just sex from them. Encourage them to be positive to build their talent and use it for a purpose.

This is something I seek as a young gay African American. I seek a mentor a role model, I seek one ready to teach and care for a younger gay man.

IS THERE ANY OUT THERE

Homosexuals Become Heterophobic Or Suffer From Heterophobia?

2009-07-10T18:21:00.004-05:00

Here is the write up from Rev Jide Rowland Macaulay. I met him years ago online and we both started a gay church in Nigeria. He has been an activist for gay rights in Nigeria. He was living in the UK before he decided to come back to Nigeria. Unfortunately the homophobic society in Nigeria attacked the church forcing him to flee back to the UK. Here is a write up from him.

Homosexuals Become Heterophobic Or Suffer From Heterophobia?

By Rev Rowland Jide Macaulay, April 2008.

If homophobia is the unreasonable fear of homosexual people, which is not a problem for all free thinking people, and people who have no fear of their own sexuality around other people’s sexual orientation then it is safe to say that the fear is largely unnecessary.

I believe we can coin a new word, “heterophobia” which can be said to be the unreasonable fear of heterosexual people. If heterosexual people can be unreasonably afraid of homosexual people not based on any evidence except to say unnecessary fear, then homosexual people can become “heterophobic”, also exhibiting the unnecessary fear of heterosexual people. It all means that where people are unsure of the other person’s sexual orientation or come to knowledge of another persons’ sexual orientation and/or unable to fathom adequate understanding for whatever reasons then a phobia will occur.

I cannot imagine a group of homosexual men and women, including youth terrorizing heterosexual people in any community. This will be seen as absolutely absurd but then why do unreasonable thinking heterosexuals feel at liberty to terrorize homosexual people, why is it that the heterosexuals in government, society, religious institutions that are considered intelligent and free thinking people, which I believe are still in the minority, not defend and speak up against the foolishness of discrimination, homophobia, misogyny etc?

Many Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transgender (LGBT) people co exist with heterosexual people in a Global Civil Society, it is not too much to ask heterosexual bigots to understand the safe boundaries required for co existence of all people, especially recognizing the diverse sexual orientations. I found the irony of this parity unsafe that LGBT can live safely with heterosexual people, but some heterosexual people claim to have a great deal of fear, and either refuse to understand nor willing to live openly with homosexual people in the same community.

Often people ask me, how are you able to justify your arguments on the issues of homosexuality and Christianity? I responded easy. I am the pastor of House Of Rainbow MCC, the first and currently the only Christian bible believing ministry in Nigeria that welcomes without prejudice ALL people regardless of their differences, after all we believe that our differences as diverse as they are a strength and not a weakness.

After House Of Rainbow, a few weeks ago, as we proudly baptized three new coverts to Christianity and also called into full membership of our ministry ten more people, it was a busy and long day. I thought the day was over when later in the evening a guy in my neighborhood came with six other hefty men to my door about 7pm, they came not to start a war but to enquire and ask questions on the matters of sexuality and Christianity, this has been a regular occurrence, not the best, but when people have discussions on sexuality and spirituality and becomes unsolved, they adjourn their meeting to my home for more inspired knowledge. When they arrived, we began with an interesting gap in their knowledge as I asked questions to fuel their understanding. The issues moved from homosexuality to transgender interlinked with Christian faith. I believe my response was credible and they were indeed very keen to learn and find out more. This experience left me seeking more of such audience of ordinary heterosexual or perhaps people questioning sexuality and spirituality, the sad news was that there was limited time and we adjourned to another time. (I will keep you posted)

I am studying for my PhD in Theology, at the United Bible University, I am very proud of this achievement, also in trying environment such as Nigeria. I was admitted not based on my sexual orientation but on my ability and quest to learn. On the 8th April 2008, in an open class during a taught lecture, it was obvious that my liberal views would soon be challenged. I was expecting this at some point. I am no longer coy, I take the view as gay person, that I have to be more prepared with credible and intelligent responses, not waiting to be caught off guard. I believe that I have become bold enough, with the help of the Holy Spirit to defend the inclusivity of the mission I represent, the inclusive gospel of Jesus Christ. I was called an apologist, that is safe, but the behavior of my fellow colleagues not only horrified me, it also created the parity in the knowledge and exposed a gap in our understanding of the issues of humanness.

Now at the end of the lecture, I gave lift to people in our vehicle which carried signs and inscription of our mission, the name of the church and the motto: which is “…no fear in love” according to 1 John 4:18. The motto is a constant reminder to be faithful to God and continue to walk with Jesus in love for all people and in all situations. If we fail to love our neighbor as ourselves, then we automatically hate or dislike them as ourselves.

Halfway through the journey one of my colleagues, who have manage to select a devotional I shared with LGBT Christians from inside the bus and have had little opportunity to scanned the booklet, of the contents and the author’s name, began with a deceptive mode of questioning; Are you married, why are you not married, it is not right for a man not to be married, certainly you are old enough to marry?, As I truthfully answered his questions, he got pretty aggressive and said that God made woman for man and he will find me a woman to marry me, I kindly declined his offer. I made it clear to him that I was made in God’s image and that I no longer struggle with my sexuality or the person I am. And I believe my relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit is very much okay. My friend from Theology School got off the bus and we agreed to continue the dialogue and his busybody on why I was not married, again I will keep you posted.

My point of writing these experiences which I am sure is not the end of this dialogue with my colleague, and the guys in my neighborhood is simply that we live in an environment that continues to fail to understand God and the supernatural abilities of God in the creation of humankind.

Many people share their stories with me in Nigeria; One of homophobic and the other a transphobic bashing; these stories tell of the unnecessary fear their assailants exhibited whilst bashing them.

If Transgender and gay people are not a threat to heterosexual people, why do they suffer so much violence with extreme hatred? These reports border on the verge of hatred, stigmatization, discrimination, homophobia and transphobia. I can safely add that the ignorance of the assailants is the real problem and the fear of their own sexuality no doubts comes into questioning.

With our church, we see many people that don’t come to our regular Sunday services, as we also run other programmes, especially counseling for LGBT Christians and these people take full advantage of this service and equally benefits from the mission of reconciliation of sexuality and spirituality.

My queerness also led me to begin to study the bible and share short or snippet devotional, many I believed have been blessed and it has created further challenges for others and for some they are embittered towards me for queering the scriptures. I remembered when I first came to Nigeria to start the church in August 2006. I was told by many gay men, that I was not welcomed in the country, to me they seem to either love the darkness of the closet and the hidden deception of the sexual powers or afraid to embrace the changes leading to freedom of minds, hearts, conscience and the inclusive mission we bring.

The scriptures stand as a moral guide and spiritual support for many people, what I am claiming back is the word of God as they speak to the people I serve, people like myself, Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgender people, which is the reality and relevance of scriptures. Many LGBT people serve other churches with their gifts and talents but are stuck in churches or religious communities that frustrate their physical and spiritual relationship with God. We are stuck in families and cultures that least understood us and are extremely afraid to step out of line, so we are forced to do what we don’t what to do, and thereby lead a double life and live a lie. In other churches in Nigeria where we believe LGBT people are present, the moral code is “Don’t Ask, Don’t tell” there are no programmes that informs the sanctity and relevance for sexual minorities. Many LGBT will continue to suffer in silence or fall prey to many preachers’ ignorance.

The basic simple tragedy of such livelihood is deception, for those who persistently deny their sexual orientation in favor of the dictated norm, namely heterosexuality will continue to feel pain and anxiety.

Evidently, many people now favor bizarre arrangements in the name of keeping face with societal acceptance. Many gay and/or bisexual men now fashionably marry and too often their boyfriends or male sexual partners are their best men, some conveniently arrange surrogate parenting with a female and thus bring forth children, just for their families to back off. A gay man I knew in Nigeria finished his first degree aged 23 years old and enrolled for another first degree, I asked why not a masters degree, he said he needed more time to be a student to avoid the question of marriage in his family, how convenient but the reality is for how long will he run and hide?

I met a young Muslim man, I can safely say that we are family as his family and mine lived in the same neighborhood in Nigeria, he admitted that he loved me except that I was gay and that is the only thing he cannot deal with and this has become a personal wish on his path that I changed. I explained to my friend that even on the return of Jesus I can do nothing about what God had fixed for me, the only good, acceptable and mature thing I could do is to honor the “Will of God” that has made me gay. We spoke for hours, sharing my developed experiences and challenges. I am not sure if this man is won over to my understanding, one thing I know that is clear is that his views are informed from a heterosexual stand point and also the Nigerian societal expectations of what human sexuality should be.

Change

2009-07-09T22:50:00.007-05:00

i am pained and hurt right now. In tears on the events that just happened. A looser is always a looser no matter what. I am crying crying crying. I need a friend really. Does drama come with being gay? Does falseness come with being gay? I am not worried about the older generation who fought for what many of my generation are taking for granted. There is so much tears in me. The younger generation do not really know why the pride and what it stands for. They are all concerned about sex,drugs, liquor and party. There is so much more than the cloth we wear, the car we drive, it is more than material things. As long as we keep on messing up and being fake we would be treated such by others. They way we dress is the way we would be addressed. I am not innocent i no i do the same, but is it right? I know all takes is for one person to change. I would change would you. In 1947 this song was first heard We shall Overcome, now 63 years later I sing it for my generation:

1.	We shall overcome We shall overcome We shall overcome some day

CHORUS:

Oh, deep in my heart
I do believe
We shall overcome some day

2.	We'll walk hand in hand We'll walk hand in hand We'll walk hand in hand some day

CHORUS

3.	We shall all be free We shall all be free We shall all be free some day

CHORUS

4.	We are not afraid We are not afraid We are not afraid some day

CHORUS

5.	We are not alone We are not alone We are not alone some day

CHORUS

6.	The whole wide world around The whole wide world around The whole wide world around some day

CHORUS

7.	We shall overcome We shall overcome We shall overcome some day

CHORUS

The Set Time

2009-07-09T14:51:00.000-05:00

I am gay, Nigerian America Christian. Being gay here is not different than those in Nigeria, i might be able to have a bit of liberty, but still have my family to hide from. Today i was chatting with a fellow african friend of mine about who we are as gay christians and i was compelled to write this note.

This is the set time for gay christians to rise and shine. We were created for a time such as this.I have my liberty i am finally free, i would never be bound again. There is therefore no condemnation to then who are in Christ Jesus. Old things have passed away and behold all things are new ( 2 Corinthians 5:17).I was created for a time like this to rise up and shine, and let the whole world know Christ in me is the Hope of Glory. I have traded it all for the Joy of the Lord, this is a time when gay Christians would prove tot he world that truly we are of God. This is a time we help fellow gay brothers to reconcile there sexuality and spirituality. Enough has been said about how we are demonic possessed and all, but i am here today that the same spirit that raised christ from the dead dwells in us. John 3: 16 says that God so LOVED the world he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have life eternal;. This scripture was not meant to "straight" people, it was meant to every believer no matter your sexuality. There is so much God has in store for us, if only we turn to Him. I have decided to live my life as a gay christian embrace who i am and serve God in Spirit and in truth. God is love and we are love because we are of God.
I pray that many would understand who they are in Christ and reconcile with Him.

Victory In Burundi

2009-07-09T10:22:00.001-05:00

Thumbs up to Burundi, the senators have cancelled a bill that would have made being gay a crime.

Burundi senators have voted against the amendment in the bill criminalising homosexuality in the country. Last November, the lower house of parliament passed the bill making same-sex acts punishable by between three months and two years in prison.

Local news reports said the Senate had on 6 February completed a series of amendments to the National Assembly version, which include among others the abolition of death penalty and was reported to be getting an amounting pressure not to amend the provision on homosexuality.

36 senators of the 43 who attended the parliamentary session voted against the amendment criminalising homosexuality, Senate speaker Gervais Rufyikiri was reported to have said.

Justice Minister Jean-Bosco Ndikumana said he was not disappointed if the amendment on homosexuality is rejected.

The provision could have been the first law criminalising gays and lesbians in the country's history.

Human Rights Watch had said the provision would violate the African Charter on Human and People's Rights and the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR), to which Burundi has signed.

The senate version now goes back to the national assembly for adoption but if it fails to be passed, the two chambers have to form a commission to harmonise the bill before the president approves it.

The government of Burundi's latest move comes in the context of considerable hostility to homosexuality in the East African region. Two-thirds of African nations maintain criminal penalties for consensual same-sex behaviour.

In recent years several countries, including Nigeria, Zimbabwe and Uganda, have threatened to strengthen laws against homosexuality.

Legal Status of Homosexuality in Africa

2009-07-09T10:18:00.001-05:00

n Africa, homosexuality is illegal for gay men in 29 countries and for lesbian women in 20 countries. The legal status in many ways mirrors the widespread homophobia on the continent, documented so clearly by statements made by, for example President Mugabe of Zimbabwe, President Nujoma of Namibia and President Museveni of Uganda. But it does not fully describe the situation, as African gay and lesbian organisations also can refer to many victories over the last years.

South Africa stands apart when it comes to the legal status of gays and lesbians in Africa, and stands comparison with Western European countries. Not only is homosexuality legal and visible, but there exists a national legislation which bans discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. Gay and lesbian office bearers are not unheard of. Annual gay pride parades are arranged, with substantial participation.

Zimbabwe is more known for its homophobia and extreme statements made by president Mugabe, including various claims that homosexuality is not an African phenomenon but rather a Western decadency. Homosexuality is illegal in Zimbabwe, and some individuals have been prosecuted and convicted for their sexual orientation, including the countries first president, Banana. On the other hand, there are very active and very visible gay and lesbian organisations in Zimbabwe, that have succeeded in creating a (not always too fruitful) public debate on the issue. Even if homosexuality remains illegal and condemned by state officials, these organisations have won several law suits against the Government, trying to silence them, and the matter of homosexuality is coming out of the taboo closet.

In Namibia, the legal situation is even more confusing. ILGA, the International Lesbian and Gay Association, states that the legal position in Namibia is "uncertain", as there are contradictive statements coming from the Government. In April 1999, Namibia's deputy home affairs minister, Jeremiah Nambinga, was seeking to criminalize gay sex because he believed it is evil. This would, however, implicate that gay sex was not illegal. On 25 June, the High Court ruled that lesbian partners have the same rights as heterosexual couples in a legal suit were a lesbian foreign women fought for her right to stay in Namibia based on her relationship with another woman. Some Government statements, however, have been extremely homophobic, such as a statement by the Minister of Home Affairs, Jerry Ekandjo, to graduating police officers urging them to "eliminate" gays and lesbians "from the face of Namibia" in September 2000. Local gay and lesbian organisations, however, are present and visible and contribute to the national discourse. Thus, Namibia probably should have been listed under the legal countries in the table below.

In Uganda, homosexuality is illegal and persecuted. Uganda has been the last country were gay and lesbian rights groups have been attacked by the Government. In September 1999 president Yoweri Museveni instructed Ugandan police to lock up and charge homosexuals. In October 1999 five members of the newly formed organisation, Right Companion, were arrested and deported to so-called 'safe houses.' One of the activists was raped twice, all were beaten, the recognised South African gay Internet site The Mask reports. Gay activists since then have continued to be persecuted and in June 2000, Ugandan police was covering up the murder of a member of Lesgabix, a lesbian and gay grouping in Kampala. The fact that several gay and lesbian organisations have appeared lately, however shows that there is a change of mind in the public opinion and that the topic is starting to be discussed.

In most of Sub-Saharan Africa, however, homosexuality still is not a matter of public discussion, and the legal status of homosexuality does not state much about the status of homosexuals. Taboos in the general public are far more relevant. That does not mean there does not exist an underground gay/lesbian society, but not being an issue of public discussion, even individual awareness of homosexuality can be low. Most African languages however have words for "gay" and "lesbian", demonstrating a traditional knowledge of the existence of this sexual orientation. Official gay or lesbian couples/families however mostly remain unheard of. As for the legal status, the majority of West and East African nations that have law provisions on homosexuality have forbidden it, with some notable exceptions. In Guinea (Conakry), for example, where the law text outlawing homosexuality is not available, its illegality is known to the gay society. One source told Queer afrol; "Gay Guineans often told me that one could go to jail if ever caught having sex with another man."

In Mediterranean Africa, on the other hand, there are outspoken policies towards homosexuality, mostly founded in the Shari' a law. Homosexuality thus is forbidden in most North African countries, as it is in most Middle East countries. Egypt states one exception in not prohibiting homosexuality and has had some degree of public debate on the matter. Even so, gay Egyptian men have been prosecuted at several occasions (the last time in 2001) for belonging to "Satanist" groups, following police raids on places frequented by homosexuals.

Putting matters to the extreme, however, is the February 2001 case in Somalia, were a lesbian couple was sentenced to death found guilty of "exercising unnatural behaviour". Somalia has no laws regulating homosexuality and its general legislation is loosely based on the Shari' a law. This brutal case shows that there often is little connection between legal status and legal practice, as the Muslim court in Somalia based its sentence on wide formulations, and to a big degree, on the cheering crowd outraged by the mere existence of homosexuality in Somalia

Legal status of homosexuality in 1998/99 (by ILGA)

Country	Lesbians	Gays
Algeria	Illegal	Illegal
Angola	Illegal	Illegal
Benin	Illegal	Illegal
Botswana	Not mentioned	Illegal
Burkina Faso	Legal	Legal
Burundi	Illegal	Illegal
Cameroon	Illegal	Illegal
Cape Verde	Illegal	Illegal
Central African Republic	Legal	Legal
Chad	Legal	Legal
Comoros	Legal	Legal
Congo Brazzaville	Legal	Legal
Congo Kinshasa (DRC)	Not clear	Not clear
Côte d'Ivoire	Not mentioned	Not mentioned
Djibouti	Illegal	Illegal
Egypt	Not mentioned	Not mentioned
Equatorial Guinea	Not available	Not available
Ethiopia	Illegal	Illegal
Eritrea	Legal	Legal
Gabon	Legal	Legal
Gambia	Not available	Not available
Ghana	Not mentioned	Illegal
Guinea	Not available	Illegal
Guinea- Bissau	Not available	Not available
Kenya	Not mentioned	Illegal
Lesotho	Not mentioned	Not mentioned
Liberia	Illegal	Illegal
Libya	Illegal	Illegal
Madagascar	Not mentioned	Not mentioned
Malawi	Illegal	Illegal
Mali	Illegal	Illegal
Mauritania	Illegal	Illegal
Mauritius	Illegal	Illegal
Morocco	Illegal	Illegal
Mozambique	Not mentioned	Illegal
Namibia	Position uncertain	Position uncertain
Niger	Not available	Not available
Nigeria	Not mentioned	Illegal
Reunion	Legal	Legal
Rwanda	Not mentioned	Not mentioned
Sao Tome and Principe	Legal	Legal
Senegal	Illegal	Illegal
Seychelles	Not mentioned	Not mentioned
Sierra Leone	Not mentioned	Not mentioned
Somalia	Not mentioned	Not mentioned
South Africa	Legal	Legal
Sudan	Illegal	Illegal
Swaziland	Illegal	Illegal
Tanzania	Not mentioned	Illegal
Togo	Illegal	Illegal
Tunisia	Illegal	Illegal
Uganda	Not mentioned	Illegal
Zambia	Not mentioned	Illegal
Zimbabwe	Not mentioned	Illegal

I AM GAY I AM AFRICAN I AM A CHRISTIAN

2009-07-09T09:44:00.000-05:00

Hello this is my first blog and plan on being diligent here. i have gone thru a lot being gay and african, i want to use this as an avenue to share my experience, my pain and joy my life being gay. I am DL for security reasons. One of the most scary thing is being discovered by family and church. I am a young African guy. I am a leader in my church which is highly homophobic. I would not trade my Christian faith for anything. I am scared of the rejection both from family, the African community and most especially Church. I know people might be different on the church aspect, but i find a lot of spiritual strength from my church. It is more than a church to me it is a family, the only thing is it's homophobic atmosphere. As a leader in church i have to speak against Homo sexuality to the teens and condemn the "practice" . I feel bad and terrible each time i have to do this, but i have no other options. I know there are gay oriented churches out there, but i know what the church means to me. It is more spiritual than just going to church. Through the teaching and guide i have learned form this church my life has been changed and transformed. Being a gay African is not easy especially when i am young (not yet near 30), and a christian, i guess one of the hardest part is coming over to the US meant having no real friends. I miss my friends back in Africa because i could talk about this issues with them.I know i am still relatively new here but most times i am all alone and it is really more difficult each time i sit at home all alone wishing i had friends to talk to and open up. I remember a few weeks ago suicide seemed like the right way out, but i was able to overcome it. The question is what do i do? Come out or be DL marry and live the ideal African man life?

I have witnessed first hand the presecution one faces being gay the rejection, the beating the killings. I have gone throughmany spiritual deliverance thinking i was consumed by the demons all to no avail. I have tried doing things to "stop" but never got to do it.

I AM GAY I AM AFRICAN I AM A CHRISTIAN