Monday, August 30, 2010

The Coming Out Effect

So i am about to come out to my dad's side of the family. This side is a part om my heritage that has been scary. My dad's family is very domineering and it has been a struggle to feel comfortable and have that "family love" feeling. I have one immediate Aunt from that side she is the oldest of the siblings and is the matriarch of the family. I came out to her and she was kool with me. She told me that people would accept you as long as you are successful in life.
Okay before i continue let me explain how my dad's family is. They all live outside Africa for over 30 years. The men all live off one road here in my Home city. My aunt lives in the UK for over 40 years now. Ok now that is said i hope that their exposure in the "western" world would make them more receptive to my coming out. I  do not know how i am gonna do it, but i know i am ready to do it. I know one of my Uncle who is so African would be a major obstacle to the whole idea. He has this unspoken beef for my dad and mum but really do i care.

Speaking about coming out, the African experience is such that we are more worried on how our family would be treated by the community rather than how our family would treat us. Africa is such that a community controls the mindset of the individual. I know that immediate family would be accepting but they would be more concerned about how they would be looked at. I was brought up to please family and community but nit self. I was brought up where anyone older then you by age or educational class had the right to discipline me. The upbringing of an individual is a collective responsibility of  everyone from family to strangers. I remember playing on the streets and get into boy fights how strangers would come and intervene and even beat us. I say this because when issues of "taboo" happens it is usually the whole family that is affected not even the  person involved. I have seen a case when a girl got pregnant and the whole neighborhood knew and shunned the family.

 In USA things like these those not occur. The upbringign of an individual is either immediate family or the individual. Here anything really goes in terms of actions. I see how friends are out to their family and the only person who really is worried id their immediate family memebers. I see where people do not care about what happenes in your family,here it is mind your own business mentality. When i first came i had a culture shock on family values, seeing lots of Single mothers, baby papa drama, how sex here is like readily available knocked me off my feet. Over the years here i have been able to assimilate and fit in but not totally in.
 After all is said and done i know must start coming out to my family. Wish me the best bye for now.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Keshawn, keep this up. Let us know how it goes or how it is going. It will be useful to the community. I wish we could have a first hand "coming out" story from home front too.