The African Coming Out Effect

There has been a lot of topics about sexuality and family. I know the strength and power family plays in the African culture, it is one that brings us to a cross road when it comes to our sexuality. The main concern about being open is not about us but how would our family be treated. This is common irrespective of where in the world they are, they still carry the same values. They are more concerned about what would people say about then than how you would be accepted within the family. There are things to consider when these issues come up:
1. It is important to know that as it took you time to accept who you are, so would it take time for them to accept the fact about who you are.
2. Family would eventually come around and accept you but rarely would they accept you fully. Some would let you know that they love you but do not fully accept your way of life.
3. There would be the spiritual phase, this would happen immediately when they would seek spiritual help to "cleanse" you. This stage depends strongly on your age and your family. 
4. This is particular to young folks they might see it as a "phase" that you might fade out from. This is where i try and talk to people, because it is very sensitive it causes a lot of confusion in one minds and if care is not taking might lead to one being homophobic while being homosexual.
5. The adults in this period would have the "opposite sex" pressure. Now what i mean is when the family believes that if she/he gets married and has sex with the opposite sex the situation would stop. In some cases they bring about forced marriage.
6. They might tell you to leave the house and do not return and thinking you would be repentive and come and apologize saying you are now straight.
(to be continued)

PS: No matter what you go through push hard and be determined to be successful in what you do.

I am not a label

I am not a label

I am not a classification

I have been classified all my life

My tribe

My nationality

My accent

My race

Classified classified classified

I have lost my personality to these classifications

I am now classified based on my sexuality

I wonder would I ever be known for my personality

I am meant to fit a certain stereotype

Walk this way

Sit this way

Talk this way

Be this way be that way

I scream let me out of this classification I ask

I came to my own and then I am further classified

Top!!!

Bottom!!!

Versatile!!!

Effeminate!!!

Masculine!!!

I am not any of the above

They say you are act like a woman

I say I have a dick so I am a man

They say I am unnatural

I say I am a human with no abnormal body parts

I am me not a label

WHO ARE YOU?????

I am MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!! !!!

  I hope we all look beyond classification and labels. Being who we are is enough classification, do not cause further damage.

Much Love Red Winers

THE BALLARD GOODBYE

THE BALLARD GOODBYE

I have held on too long to you

I have cried too many tears for you

I have hurt too much for you

I realize the end is now

It Hurts to say good bye

I remember the first time I saw you

Your smile was melting

Your eyes were mesmerizing

Your voice weakened my knees.

Then the journey started

We had dreams

We had passion

We had love

Then came the bumps along the journey

I stood by you

I bore the hurt

I cried the tears

I held on

Then the smooth road came

You moved on

You changed suddenly

I have come to the awakening that this is just an illusion relationship

I have come to the realization that real love means to let go

I have come to the truth that it ended as soon as it began

My love

My Boo

My man

I say goodbye to you today

I cry tears of a heartbreak

I sleep a sleep of loneliness

This is just for a while

I shall rise

The lessons you taught me stays with me

The love you showed me I share to all

The positive vibe you gave me I carry on

The negative vibe you gave me I leave it behind

I sing a Ballard of goodbye

Good bye My love

                                                                   The Ballard Goodbye

Would I be loved

Right now i just write. I am going through so much emotions right now. I have been so single for like forever and each time i try dating i loose out. The irony of it all is that i always end up being friends with all my ex and those i try dating. I am writing this because i am so emotionally depressed about it all. I have never really experienced a true relationship and i long for one. I like i am in a fairy tale world and cursed to be single. I get more people interested in me sexually than reality. I need to be clear that i never go out to search for men at all no way. I would like to be loved and be loved. I am a good fellow all i ask is a chance to be you lover. I have no regret on being a friend. I do not know how long this would continue. I am so hurt and scared that i would never get the chance to be your lover and show you how much i care about you. I always get the losing end. I do not know if there is that special person or not. I do not know whether to love again or not. I really do not know what to feel or do anymore. I have been broken so many times that I feel it is normal to be broken. I wish i just get a chance to be a lover and to be loved. I am willing to sacrifice to be with you. Just a chance.

What i seek

I am seeking an identity

I am seeking a voice

I am seeking a people

I am seeking a generation

I am seeking a place

I am seeking a community

These are the words I say to myself everyday. As a young gay African American guy I seek an identity on who I am. I also discovered that this is the same questions many young gay men ask especially African and black men. I grew up not having any gay role model especially in Africa where it was impossible to come out. When I came out into the scene back in Nigeria, A lot of my black gay generation fall victim. They are materialistic, sex seeking, no motivation and vision for their future. They are more concerned about being seen than actually see, they loose touch of that which is important. Where do we go? This question has remained unanswered by me and many out there? Most young gay black guys seek the answers in the wrong places. I know there are centers where they seek help but many do not want to go there they are just consummated by instant pleasure and delights.

I have met a couple of young gay black guys some as young as 16 who all they care about is SEX, DRUGS, PARTY & MATERIALISTIC LIVING. This same thing is what happens not just here in USA but also in Africa and UK. I wonder what can be done to cause a change, where are the black gay role models we should look up to. Where are the black gay Greek groups or support groups we should look to. There is so wide a gap between gay generations and unfortunately the only thing crossing across is sex. I call my generation the media fed generation also known as Generation X. A generation that all they are concerned about is what the media has given them and role models based on people who are acting out to the public than real people. Even the gay shows on TV does not help Noah’s Arc, Queer as folks, all these programs give them a false feeling of who they are. Now Gen X is living a life of based on what the media has given them. Is this what being gay is all about? The answer is no, there are positive good black gay role models out there , some are out some are not. These older men should be able to mentor the younger ones and not seek just sex from them. Encourage them to be positive to build their talent and use it for a purpose.

This is something I seek as a young gay African American. I seek a mentor a role model, I seek one ready to teach and care for a younger gay man.

IS THERE ANY OUT THERE

Change

i am pained and hurt right now. In tears on the events that just happened. A looser is always a looser no matter what. I am crying crying crying. I need a friend really. Does drama come with being gay? Does falseness come with being gay? I am not worried about the older generation who fought for what many of my generation are taking for granted. There is so much tears in me. The younger generation do not really know why the pride and what it stands for. They are all concerned about sex,drugs, liquor and party. There is so much more than the cloth we wear, the car we drive, it is more than material things. As long as we keep on messing up and being fake we would be treated such by others. They way we dress is the way we would be addressed. I am not innocent i no i do the same, but is it right? I know all takes is for one person to change. I would change would you. In 1947 this song was first heard We shall Overcome, now 63 years later I sing it for my generation:

1.	We shall overcome We shall overcome We shall overcome some day

CHORUS:

Oh, deep in my heart I do believe We shall overcome some day

2.	We'll walk hand in hand We'll walk hand in hand We'll walk hand in hand some day

CHORUS

3.	We shall all be free We shall all be free We shall all be free some day

CHORUS

4.	We are not afraid We are not afraid We are not afraid some day

CHORUS

5.	We are not alone We are not alone We are not alone some day

CHORUS

6.	The whole wide world around The whole wide world around The whole wide world around some day

CHORUS

7.	We shall overcome We shall overcome We shall overcome some day

CHORUS

I AM GAY I AM AFRICAN I AM A CHRISTIAN

Hello this is my first blog and plan on being diligent here. i have gone thru a lot being gay and african, i want to use this as an avenue to share my experience, my pain and joy my life being gay. I am DL for security reasons. One of the most scary thing is being discovered by family and church. I am a young African guy. I am a leader in my church which is highly homophobic. I would not trade my Christian faith for anything. I am scared of the rejection both from family, the African community and most especially Church. I know people might be different on the church aspect, but i find a lot of spiritual strength from my church. It is more than a church to me it is a family, the only thing is it's homophobic atmosphere. As a leader in church i have to speak against Homo sexuality to the teens and condemn the "practice" . I feel bad and terrible each time i have to do this, but i have no other options. I know there are gay oriented churches out there, but i know what the church means to me. It is more spiritual than just going to church. Through the teaching and guide i have learned form this church my life has been changed and transformed. Being a gay African is not easy especially when i am young (not yet near 30), and a christian, i guess one of the hardest part is coming over to the US meant having no real friends. I miss my friends back in Africa because i could talk about this issues with them.I know i am still relatively new here but most times i am all alone and it is really more difficult each time i sit at home all alone wishing i had friends to talk to and open up. I remember a few weeks ago suicide seemed like the right way out, but i was able to overcome it. The question is what do i do? Come out or be DL marry and live the ideal African man life?

I have witnessed first hand the presecution one faces being gay the rejection, the beating the killings. I have gone throughmany spiritual deliverance thinking i was consumed by the demons all to no avail. I have tried doing things to "stop" but never got to do it.

I AM GAY I AM AFRICAN I AM A CHRISTIAN