The Coming Out Effect

So i am about to come out to my dad's side of the family. This side is a part om my heritage that has been scary. My dad's family is very domineering and it has been a struggle to feel comfortable and have that "family love" feeling. I have one immediate Aunt from that side she is the oldest of the siblings and is the matriarch of the family. I came out to her and she was kool with me. She told me that people would accept you as long as you are successful in life.
Okay before i continue let me explain how my dad's family is. They all live outside Africa for over 30 years. The men all live off one road here in my Home city. My aunt lives in the UK for over 40 years now. Ok now that is said i hope that their exposure in the "western" world would make them more receptive to my coming out. I  do not know how i am gonna do it, but i know i am ready to do it. I know one of my Uncle who is so African would be a major obstacle to the whole idea. He has this unspoken beef for my dad and mum but really do i care.

Speaking about coming out, the African experience is such that we are more worried on how our family would be treated by the community rather than how our family would treat us. Africa is such that a community controls the mindset of the individual. I know that immediate family would be accepting but they would be more concerned about how they would be looked at. I was brought up to please family and community but nit self. I was brought up where anyone older then you by age or educational class had the right to discipline me. The upbringing of an individual is a collective responsibility of  everyone from family to strangers. I remember playing on the streets and get into boy fights how strangers would come and intervene and even beat us. I say this because when issues of "taboo" happens it is usually the whole family that is affected not even the  person involved. I have seen a case when a girl got pregnant and the whole neighborhood knew and shunned the family.

 In USA things like these those not occur. The upbringign of an individual is either immediate family or the individual. Here anything really goes in terms of actions. I see how friends are out to their family and the only person who really is worried id their immediate family memebers. I see where people do not care about what happenes in your family,here it is mind your own business mentality. When i first came i had a culture shock on family values, seeing lots of Single mothers, baby papa drama, how sex here is like readily available knocked me off my feet. Over the years here i have been able to assimilate and fit in but not totally in.
 After all is said and done i know must start coming out to my family. Wish me the best bye for now.

WHO REALLY CARES

Who really cares about ones sexuality.
Who cares about what happens in the bedroom.
I come from a culture where men and women show affection without anyone scared. I grew up where men and women were separated from men. As children we played 'boys" game while girls stayed in. In High Schol for six years i showered with many guys at the same time. we slept together on the same bed or cramped together. We hold hands and hug each other. In social nights at school we danced with each other and all. Even as adult we still act the same.
I had a culture shock coming here. Where everything is the opposite, the interaction between male and female starts as early as day one. It is weird to shower together, to sleep together or show affection to one another. In Africa men do not cook, but here a man cook. In Africa men tie a piece of cloth around their waist like a skirt but here it would say gay. In Africa men dance shaking their booty up and down, like the New Orleans bounce here. In USA it would be considered gay for a guy to dance the same.
 I write because i get confused when people say "that so gay" or "don't be gay". I wonder if there is a checklist to be gay. All i know gay could mean very happy or gay sexual is attraction to the same sex. I am a man since u have a penis instead of a vagina. i am no wy a woman, i do not have any female genitals. I hate to be classified. I hate being asked if i am top or bottom who cares. I like sexual intercourse with a male it does not matter who is doing the poking as long as both parties are haivng a great time.
I am sleepy right now and tired of rambling. I would be back take care



BUT REMEMBER WHO REALLY CARES

Loneliness

Most times i wonder if I should die who would know. I am at that place where no one really cares about me. My roommate cares less if i am alive or dead, My family rarely checks on me. I have no real friends who care about my well being. I wonder where i am mist times. I have those who only worry when they need a favor from me. if i should die in my room how many days would it be before i am discovered. I always initiate all forms of communication. I am a person with emotions i keep saying. I might say little words when you meet me, but gradually i open up and let you in. I am in a state of severe loneliness, I want to reach out and touch and be touched.
 I wonder who really cares about me. My Aunty said that it is a gay person's life to be depressed and lonely. I do not want to let them know it is what i am going through so they would say i told you so. I rarely leave my house i so hate weekends because i do not have to go to work. I wish i worked 7 days a week, I do nothing on weekends just stay in doors and sulk for the whole two days, I do not get invited to anywhere or get visited. I get nothing. I am just a lonely African gay guy. I have been indoors all day and not seen another human being not even pet life. I am tired but what do i do. I hate the city and state i live in i so want to get out of this nightmare, but i love my job and the company.
I wonder is it because i am gay or is it just normal for people. I wonder is i was an opposite gender loving person would i be in a different state of mind. I wonder if i would have been married now and have kids like most of my "age mates". I want oi have all these but with the right guy. I want o have children a partner i can look into his eyes every day and say i love you. I want people to say hell i just called to make sure you are ok. I am young in age but i have gone through midlife and old age crises and i am not yet 30 years old or even 28 years old.

Loneliness is a very sensitive place to be in. I would not search for happiness in the wrong places and would not try to validate anything. I am still in that place and pray i get out one day.

Would I be loved

Right now i just write. I am going through so much emotions right now. I have been so single for like forever and each time i try dating i loose out. The irony of it all is that i always end up being friends with all my ex and those i try dating. I am writing this because i am so emotionally depressed about it all. I have never really experienced a true relationship and i long for one. I like i am in a fairy tale world and cursed to be single. I get more people interested in me sexually than reality. I need to be clear that i never go out to search for men at all no way. I would like to be loved and be loved. I am a good fellow all i ask is a chance to be you lover. I have no regret on being a friend. I do not know how long this would continue. I am so hurt and scared that i would never get the chance to be your lover and show you how much i care about you. I always get the losing end. I do not know if there is that special person or not. I do not know whether to love again or not. I really do not know what to feel or do anymore. I have been broken so many times that I feel it is normal to be broken. I wish i just get a chance to be a lover and to be loved. I am willing to sacrifice to be with you. Just a chance.

I am back and would start updating so much has happened since i last updated. There has been the partial victory in California. The news about a gay president in Somaliand in Africa. There has been documentary on the Uganda anti-gay movements. The Malawi Gay couple drama. This and lits more. I would be more committed now to this blog ok. Thanks for all the comments from my previous post.

Hate Crimes Bill Approved By Congress, Extends Protection To Gays

WASHINGTON — Physical attacks on people based on their sexual orientation will join the list of federal hate crimes in a major expansion of the civil rights-era law Congress approved Thursday and sent to President Barack Obama.

A priority of the late Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass., that had been on the congressional agenda for a decade, the measure expands current law to include crimes based on gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability. The measure is named for Matthew Shepard, the gay Wyoming college student murdered 11 years ago.

To assure its passage after years of frustrated efforts, Democratic supporters attached the measure to a must-pass $680 billion defense policy bill the Senate approved 68-29. The House passed the defense bill earlier this month.

Many Republicans, normally staunch supporters of defense bills, voted against the bill because of the hate crimes provision. All the no votes were Republicans except for Sen. Russ Feingold, D-Wis., who supported the hate crimes provision but opposes what he says is the open-ended military commitment in Afghanistan.

"The inclusion of the controversial language of the hate crimes legislation, which is unrelated to our national defense, is deeply troubling," said Sen. Jeff Sessions, R-Ala.

Hate crimes law enacted after the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr., in 1968 centered on crimes based on race, color, religion or national origin.

The expansion has long been sought by civil rights and gay rights groups. Conservatives have opposed it, arguing that it creates a special class of victims. They also have been concerned that it could silence clergymen or others opposed to homosexuality on religious or philosophical grounds.

Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay rights group, hailed the bill as "our nation's first major piece of civil rights legislation for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Too many in our community have been devastated by hate violence."

Some 45 states have hate crimes statutes, and the bill would not change current practices where hate crimes are generally investigated and prosecuted by state and local officials.

But it does broaden the narrow range of actions – such as attending school or voting – that can trigger federal involvement and allows the federal government to step in if the Justice Department certifies that a state is unwilling or unable to follow through on an alleged hate crime.

The measure also provides federal grants to help state and local governments prosecute hate crimes and funds programs to combat hate crimes committed by juveniles.

"As we learned in the civil rights era, sometimes communities need assistance and resources from the federal government when they have to confront the most emotional and dangerous kinds of crimes," said Sen. Michael Bennet, D-Colo.

The bill also creates a federal crime to penalize attacks against U.S. service members on account of their service.

Attorney General Eric Holder said nearly 80,000 hate crime incidents have been reported to the FBI since he first testified before Congress in support of a hate crimes bill 11 years ago. "It has been one of my highest personal priorities to ensure that this legislation finally becomes law," he said.

The FBI says more than half of reported hate crimes are motivated by racial bias. Next most frequent are crimes based on religious bias, at around 18 percent, and sexual orientation, at 16 percent.

At the urging of Republicans the bill was changed to strengthen free speech protections to assure that a religious leader or any other person cannot be prosecuted on the basis of his or her speech, beliefs or association.

"Nothing in this legislation diminishes an American's freedom of religion, freedom of speech or press or the freedom to assemble," said Sen. Ben Cardin, D-Md. "Let me be clear. The Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Prevention Act targets acts, not speech."

That didn't convince Sen. Jim DeMint, R-S.C., who said the bill was a "dangerous step" toward thought crimes. He asked whether the bill would "serve as a warning to people not to speak out too loudly about their religious views."

Tony Perkins, president of the conservative Family Research Council, said the measure was "part of a radical social agenda that could ultimately silence Christians and use the force of government to marginalize anyone whose faith is at odds with homosexuality."

Coming Out of the Closet at Work

What a day. I just came out at work it was filled with mixed emotions. I cried i laughed but above all i was able to educate them about being gay and all. I was really amazed that people still have stereotype mentality of gay people. I realized that most people ideaology of gay people is based on media and what they hear.

In reality the gay community has helped push the stereotype and all others see is the sex aspect and everything negative there is to life. Well this is for another day. Here is my office coming out topic enjoy.

Things to Consider If You're Considering Coming Out

Coming out of the closet is almost always at least a little scary. It can be even more frightening when your job is involved. How will your coworkers react? Will your job still be safe? Are you coming out because you want to, or do you feel obligated to do so? Is it practical to come out

on the job? These questions are just a few to consider when you are considering coming out of the closet at work.

How will your coworkers react?

Whether or not you like your coworkers, you'll still have to work with them after you come out of the closet. Coming out tactfully is going to largely influence their opinions, but other factors will influence your coworkers as well. If you have coworkers who are passionately homophobic, perhaps this isn't the right workplace for you to come out. Are your coworkers religious? While not all religious people are intolerant, that can be an influential factor. Try testing the waters a bit before you come out if you are unsure of your coworkers viewpoints on homosexuality. If something was in the news about a hate crime, gay marriage, a controversial commercial, or anything to do with homosexuality, see how they feel about the issue. Remember however that sometimes even those who are accepting or at least tolerant of those of other sexual orientations are going to have other factors involved as well when discussing such issues. For example, someone could be tolerant of homosexuals, yet be against gay marriage because they feel that in their religion marriage is between a man and a woman. Someone who feels that it is okay to poke fun at those who are different from you in the name of comedy may seem uncaring to you, yet they could still be an accepting person and just have a different sense of humor than you. Don't forget that such issues can be multi-faceted, so don't let one discussion dash your hopes of being able to come out in the workplace. It is important however, to ensure that you take your coworkers reactions into account so that you do not inadvertently end up being isolated.